I'm Back & Better - Let's Catch Up

Hello my beautiful people,

It's been awhile. I think the last blog post I uploaded was around November of 2019. Wowie... It's actually been a HOT MINUTE. If you are an OG here, you know I love to write (some might say I ramble). I just have a lot to say. That's why I created this platform outside of Instagram. It doesn't have a character limit. I can speak a little more freely and just let my thoughts flow into words. I've missed that. 2019 was a tough year. I took a step back from a lot of things; my blog being one of them. I needed time to figure me out. You can't pour from an empty cup. You can't run on empty. I knew that I needed to give myself grace and space in order to pull through an emotional time of my life. I knew it would allow me to come back stronger for myself, my friends and family, as well as each and every one of you. For the first time in a long time, I chose me.

This blog post is mostly just to catch up. I promise we'll get back to more important things moving forward but it doesn't feel right to do that without a little background. Moreso, a welcome back. If you've stuck out the all the crazy with me, I appreciate you. If you're new here, I'm excited to have you. I have a lot of good things coming for y'all (near future & some far) but I hope you'll stick around a 'lil longer to live it out with me.

With all that being said, I've been more open and vocal about my struggles recently. Not just on Instagram (as some of you may have noticed) but I've fought to be more honest with my friends and family too. Most importantly, I've been more honest with myself. For a long time I felt like a burden. I felt stuck and unable to move forward in my environment. I didn't want to stress out the people I love. I didn't want them to worry. We've all been there. Sometimes it feels like staying silent is the only option. Sometimes staying silent feels like the best way to avoid your struggles altogether (news flash - wrong). I still keep a lot of things about my life private and unspoken. Not everything needs to be shared. However, I think it's important to be vulnerable and open about what we go through to an extent because the likelihood of someone else experiencing similar struggles is pretty high. Amidst struggle (at least for me) all you want is to feel less alone. You want to feel heard. You want to feel comforted. You want to know that you aren't the only person to experience something. Hearing someone else's perspective and/or journey on a similar situation can give you that feeling of comfort or sense of hope to push through... yah know? It's the reminder you need in that moment to keep going because you're going to be okay even if it doesn't feel that way at the time. It's easier to believe that to be true when you have someone in front of you that has overcome a similar obstacle. It's living proof. As humans, we have a hard time with trust. We have a hard time believing what we don't see. It's unfortunate but it's a lot to do with the society we live in. A topic for another day.

Let's talk the end of 2018 and most of 2019. My boyfriend (at the time) and I had to make a tough decision and put down our sweet puppy after he was hit by a car. I had my heart broken by someone I once loved. I flew home unexpectedly and held my grandpa's hand as he took his last few breaths on this earth. I spent most of it struggling financially and working long hours at jobs I hated. I lost friends. I felt empty and lost. It was a huge transitional period. A trialing one. That's the gist because I want to keep this prompt.

I'm going to be straight up honest with you all, some days I didn't think I was going to make it out of this period. Looking back, I wish I could hug the Mik that felt so small. I wish I would have pulled myself to the surface sooner but we grow through what we go through. That time period forced me to sit with myself and I mean TRULY sit with myself. It forced me to be honest AF. It forced me to face my weaknesses. It forced me to break down and hit rock bottom. It forced me to be okay with being alone. It forced me to recognize what I needed to do in order to become a better person; the person I envisioned myself to be. Let me tell you, I wasn't even close to that person. I allowed myself to feel small. I didn't believe I served a purpose. I didn't believe I deserved much of anything. I allowed people to mistreat me, hurt me, and walk all over me. I allowed people to abuse my kindness and heart. I stayed silent because I didn't think what I was going through was significant enough to share. I neglected standing up for myself because I feared losing people. I lost myself completely. Amidst struggle, I think the majority of us look to distract ourselves as if it's the solution to our problems. We look to forget. We look to jump from one thing to the next. We are scared shitless to face (and I mean HONESTLY face) whatever we're encountering. We're our own worst enemies.

What I've Learned:

• We aren't wired to forget.

• We aren't meant to hold all the answers.

• It's okay to let yourself feel. You need to do this.

• Being strong is truly accepting & understanding your emotions, not distracting yourself from them.

• There's no right or wrong way to cope and pave your way through the struggle(s).

• It's better to feel alone on your own than to feel alone in the company of someone else.

• You don't owe anyone anything. You don't owe anyone an explanation; especially the people who hurt you deeply.

• Your happiness, your mindset, and the life you want to live comes down to you and your daily actions. You are in control.

• That trauma may not have been your fault (or within your control), but pulling yourself back to the surface is always your responsibility.

• Life is beautiful. Life is full of unknowns. Embrace them.

• Sometimes no closure is closure. Let that shit go.

• It's important to choose forgiveness always (solely for you). You can't move forward if you're holding grudges in the past.

• It all serves a purpose. Have faith and trust where you are going is greater than where you've ever been before.

It's not my intention to make you feel bad for me, to pity me, or to make your struggles feel less valid. My intent is to show you that you're not alone. Each and every one of us goes through shit. Stuff that changes us, shapes us, allows us to evolve and grow into who we are meant to be and where we are destined to go. I know what it's like to feel alone. I know what it's like to feel voiceless, powerless, and empty. If I can leave a positive impact on just one of you, I will consider this post (and every post moving forward) a success. Life is tough, there's no reason to make it tougher on one another. Your struggles matter. You matter. Please keep fighting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's there and it's so worth the fight.

This new season of life has been incredible. It hasn't been perfect by any means but life isn't meant to be. 2020 has been a whirlwind for everyone but it's taught me a lot about myself and where I want to go. I spend every single day working to be the best human I can be. In my career. In my friendships. In my relationships. In my faith. In anything and everything I am doing. I am intentional with my time (something I lacked for a long time). Prioritize the people who prioritize you. Put your energy into the things that make you feel whole and happy. Life is too short to do anything less. Nothing is guaranteed. I made a promise to myself at the beginning of the year that I would choose to see beauty in the chaos. I would appreciate the little things for what they are. I would have no regrets at the end of each day. A bad day isn't a bad life. A rough morning doesn't mean your afternoon or evening have to suck too. Most days are great because that's the mindset I've chosen for myself and you can too.

If you've made it this far, thank you. I'm so happy to be back.

Cheers,

Mik