Embrace Vulnerability

Learning to embrace your current season of life isn't always an easy task, especially if you are in an unsure stage. A state of feeling hindered. A time of misunderstanding or struggle. It can be so hard to sit in that. To let yourself feel the discomfort. To truly let yourself grow through the obstacles. To let your guard down. To let yourself feel the emotions.

I've never felt so vulnerable in my entire life. I think that's a concept the vast majority of us have a really hard time coming to terms with. Being vulnerable means feeling out of control. It means completely surrendering yourself. Giving yourself time to grow through what you are going through. It's messy as hell. It doesn't always make sense. It leaves you lost in your thoughts. 2019 has been a true season of struggle for me. It's been trialing. It's been filled with emotions. Financial struggles. Heartbreak. Loss. Life altering moves. New Relationships. Relationships shed. I've cried tears; happy and sad.  

For a long time, I've neglected to admit those things. I put up barriers. I closed myself off. I shut people out. I didn't want to burden others with the obstacles I was facing. It's easy to do that. It's easy to say I can get through this on my own and it's another to actually do it. I'm gonna come right out and say it. You can't do it alone and you most certainly shouldn't. You can't always be 100% honest with yourself. You can't always hold yourself accountable. You can't always give yourself the tough love you need. I'm not saying it's impossible, but it's really damn hard to approach it from a single-minded standpoint. Life is hard to navigate on your own. It's not meant to be navigated alone. 

I've spent a lot of time holding grudges. Neglecting acceptance. Lashing out at the thought of forgiveness. Pushing away signs and signals. Lingering in things that felt comfortable even knowing they weren't always the best for me and my future. Fearing change and new beginnings. Overextending my trust, patience, and love. 

I've come to the realization that the one thing I can always control is who I choose to be. I can control who's looking back at me in the mirror everyday. You can't control how others carry themselves... BUT, I can choose to be a good person for ME and those around me. I can choose to embrace change even if it's scary. You can do those things too. Fear doesn't have to mean failure. Failure doesn't have to be the end of the road. I've learned that the more I try to control, the more I feel resistance. The more I try to plan, the more off course I find myself. The more I let hate and anger fuel my day, the harder it feels to make it to the end of one. The more I dwindle in the 'what if's,' the faster my mind races. It's cause and effect. You can't control the outcome, but you can create pattern and rhythm in what you want to attract moving forward.

Sometimes you have to speak things into existence. Fake it till you make it. I know how hard it can be to keep going when it feels like things are spiraling. I know how tough it can be to accept something for what it is. I know how tempting it is to search for answers that likely aren't even there. Ones that leave you feeling more empty and broken than before. Once again, you can't control your circumstances, but you can choose how you react.

Sometimes NO reaction is better than any reaction at all. Not every situation is deserving of one. I think that when you can come to terms with that and truly put it into practice; life starts to fall into place. Things slowly begin to flourish and come your way. Believing in what you deserve is something so underrated, but so important for self development altogether. Sometimes losing what you thought you wanted or needed brings even greater blessings and lessons. It creates self empowerment.

The people and things that are meant to be in your life will come and they will stay. They will be there through ALL seasons. Through life's ebbs and flows. The good, the bad, and the ugly. We're never given more than we can handle and I wholeheartedly believe that. Learn to trust your journey and embrace your struggles. The emptiness you feel is temporary. Wherever that emptiness may be arising from; it's NOT forever. It doesn't define you. It doesn't have to control you. It doesn't have to break you down to nothing.

How you choose to cope, grieve, accept, forgive, and move forward is personal. It's something only you know how to do for YOU. There's no right or wrong way. There's no map that says 'x' marks the spot. There's no shame in fighting your way out; whatever that looks like for YOU. Maybe it's messy. SO WHAT? Fight for how you want to feel. Manifest and speak things into existence. I promise, you're the only person that can hold yourself back from achieving amazing things. If you don't take action, you can't expect change. 

- Mik