Overcoming One of The Toughest Years of My Life...

This is probably one of the most real and raw posts i'll ever write. This one is extremely personal. This one makes me feel vulnerable. This one is different. 

I vividly remember sitting in a booth at a local pizza shop with my parents over winter break my Freshman year of college. I explained to them I had been feeling off and my stomach was bugging me. We didn't think much of it. It was my first year of college. Twenty-six hours from home. A flight's distance away from my family and friends. First semester of freshman year was tough. We agreed we would give things some time and reassess the situation later on if it worsened. It was a brand new place and a big life adjustment. I came home that following summer and told them that something still wasn't right. I was still feeling odd. I visited my local pediatrician and she said that my issues could definitely be stress/anxiety related, but insisted on going and getting a full blood work panel done to be sure. I never got the blood work done. I was working all summer, hate needles more than anything, and just didn't prioritize my health like I should've. Big mistake.

I left halfway through that summer (the summer leading into my sophomore year of college) to move back to Florida. I was about to live on my own for the very first time, ever. My freshman year of college I lived with my best-friend so this was going to be a whole new ballgame. I had to move down early to get myself moved in, sign papers, and attend some meetings to get ready for a new year at a new school. The original plan wasn't to live alone, but unfortunately I didn't have many living options due to some unexpected stuff. That summer made me stressed, anxious, and are when my stomach issues initially worsened and became more serious. My stomach issues were most likely worsened because of my stress, I won't deny that. However, it forced me to open my eyes and address the problem that I had been denying for too long.

I wasn't home so my parents couldn't help me. They tried their absolute hardest over the phone/via distance, but I told them it was fine and I was doing my best to figure things out. I am a very independent person, hate asking for help, and most often don't like admitting that something may be wrong. I was in a different state. I didn't have a regular doctor. I was calling all over trying to find openings. Every good doctor had a full capacity patient list. It was honestly a nightmare. I felt lost and hopeless. I had lost weight. I didn't feel like myself. I was so sad with where things were at and I knew I couldn't do it alone much longer. My boyfriend picked me up when he moved back for the start of the school year. I remember that day vividly too. He acknowledged that I had lost weight, expressed that he was worried, and vowed to help me figure things out.

I spent the entire first part of my sophomore year visiting doctors, forcing food down to gain back the weight I had lost, being diagnosed and misdiagnosed with various things, colonoscopies, endoscopies, and spent most days/nights curled up in a ball trying to escape the stomach pain (a lot of this due to eating foods that were continuously killing me, not even realizing it).

The second semester of sophomore year was better. I still struggled but I was finally able to get out, do more stuff, and find a little bit of relief. I cut out dairy and avoided foods that would trigger my IBS. This worked for a brief period of time. Something was still wrong, something still wasn't right. This past summer my stomach issues arose again. I had a hard time finding things that weren't killing me and that would help me keep on weight. I just felt so lost and as if things were never going to change or look up. I simply had no idea what foods were killing me because it seemed as if everything I ate absolutely wrecked my stomach and left me unable to do anything. The only thing that gave me any sort of relief was the gym, but I couldn't even utilize that properly because I couldn’t afford to lose more weight. I was going stir crazy. I was so drained. Mentally and physically. It was hard on me. It was hard on my family. Hard on my friendships. Hard on my relationship. It was consuming everything. I was SO over it. I was over feeling this way everyday. I felt groggy, weak, and so far from myself. I was over the thought of feeling so restricted, scared, and helpless. My stomach would feel a little better. I would eat my next meal. It would hurt again. It was a never ending cycle.

Fast forward to this year. I came across the Pinnertest online. I saw various reviews, researched it a bit myself, and decided it couldn't hurt. It was worth a shot. At this point, I was desperate and willing to try absolutely anything. Some people are against the Pinnertest and have negative things to say, but I do not. My experience is the total opposite. I ordered the test. I took it. I sent it back to the company and awaited my results. It came back that I had a high reaction (+3) to Soybean, a moderate reaction (+2) to Rice, and a Low Reaction (+1) to Peanut. I researched Soybean intolerance and that's when I finally had some answers and felt a sense of hope that things might start looking up. The list of things that contain soybean would surprise the heck out of you if you don't read food labels or put much thought into the food you eat. Almost all processed foods have some sort of soybean, soybean oil, soy, etc. The rice reaction made sense too. My stomach always felt off when I ate rice, even before my stomach issues were at their peak. The Pinnertest finally gave me some hope.

Since taking the Pinnertest, I've cut out soy. I still don't eat dairy. I have narrowed down the foods that trigger my IBS and avoid them the best that I can. Sounds restrictive, but it's really not. Limited, yes. I have to be careful and watch the ingredient list of items closely. But, I can tell you all one thing. I have never felt better. I feel like I have my life back. I feel like I am at a place where I am completely balanced. I go out with my friends. I eat out at restaurants. I find fun foods even under my intolerances. I am mindful and have learned to roll with the punches. I have finally put on the weight I lost. I am still in the process of bulking, but I am in a healthy state and feel the strongest I ever have. I am more full of life than ever before.

My stomach issues have caused me to feel anxious, depressed, hopeless, so many different thoughts and emotions. It took a toll on everything. It took over everything. I think that’s pretty evident. There were times I thought it would never get better, but it did. There were times I wanted to give up, but I didn't. I still struggle, I still have rough days. I still have flare ups. But, the majority of my days are good now. I have a positive outlook. I have a different approach. I work to keep myself in good health each and every day. I am creating strong relationships. I am working on doing what makes me happy. I am creating a lifestyle that works for me. I am blessed with an amazing boyfriend, family, and friends that try and understand, work to help me, and don't make me feel bad for something that is out of my control. I still encounter a lot of people that get frustrated with me and don't get it. I understand that it's overwhelming and a lot to get if it's not happening to you. People don't understand why I can't "pick around it," "eat it just this one time," etc. It's not their fault. It's discouraging sometimes, don't get me wrong. But, I have to be understanding too. I have to realize that most people are doing the best they can to understand. I have come to terms with the fact that some people simply wont ever get it and/or don't care to understand. I must move on and accept that. If you’re reading this and know someone struggling with similar issues or with any issue at all, please be kind. Please try and understand. Please be there for that person and do your very best to be there for them in any way you can. Don’t suffocate them or pressure them, just let them know you’re there. That means more than you’ll ever know.

The toughest year of my life initiated growth, strength, and a whole new level of responsibility. It was a year that taught me that even when things get really bad, YOU can always overcome them. It was a year that tested me really really hard. It was a year I wouldn't wish upon anyone, but it was a time that taught me I am SO strong. It was a year that taught me who I want to be, the path I want to take, and the relationships and people I want to surround myself with. It was a year I don't regret or wish away because it was a year that taught me SO many valuable lessons. I truly value all that I have learned from this.

I share this with you all because I want you to know that if you are struggling, if you feel like things are dark or you're at your lowest of lows, there is ALWAYS hope. You will find a way to overcome your struggles. You will find strength and relief. Reach out to people. Don't try to do it alone. Don't be afraid to seek help. If you think something is wrong and off with your body, DO NOT wait until it's too late. You know your body. If you sense something may be wrong, trust your gut. Always do what's best for you. Do not feel bad or guilty for taking care of yourself. Your mental, physical, and emotional health MATTER.

YOU MATTER.

I've been wanting to talk about this for a while. I've never had the right words or been able to get it out properly. I’ve really just started living my life normally again. Maybe I just needed time to process it. I'm not really sure, but I know that I want to share my story in hopes that it can help someone else. I want someone struggling just like I was at one point in time to see this and know that there are better days ahead. A tough period of time does not mean things will be tough forever. NEVER lose hope.

Always feel free to reach out. Whether it be questions, wanting someone to talk to, a sense of direction, hope, prayers and positive vibes, anything at all. Don't hesitate. I am on a mission to make everyone feel like they matter and to help everyone see good days are near. No one should ever feel lost and alone.

-Mik <3