Dealing with Social Anxiety

Would you believe me if I said that first time interactions are surprisingly hard for me? I am a social butterfly once I get to know someone, but that initial confrontation makes me anxious as heck. Meeting new people can be scary and overwhelming. If you are reading this and experience any form of social anxiety, you know exactly what I am talking about.

Where’d it originate from? To be honest, I'm not entirely sure. However, I did notice it became more prominent upon entering college. Meeting all kinds of new people and having to start fresh in an unfamiliar place was HARD AF. I can recall times where I struggled with this in high school too, and even at younger ages. Meeting one of my friend’s good friends, starting a new sports team, having to introduce myself to someone new at a party or gathering, etc. was a big step out of my comfort zone. I still don’t fully understand it, especially since as I stated earlier it’s the total opposite when I am comfortable around someone. That’s the thing about anxiety though. It doesn’t really make sense. You feel anxious and overwhelmed sometimes even if there's no rhyme or reason to it.

Another aspect of my social anxiety is its ability to come up randomly and hit me out of nowhere. This most often happens when I am just about to do something. I could have already made these plans and agreed prior, but the anxiety will come up unexpectedly. There are times where I am SO excited for something, then it comes time to actually do it and I just freak out. I feel frozen. I start feeling antsy and anxious and there isn't a good explanation for any of those thoughts. It makes me question my prior commitment and contemplate backing out. I think up irrational or dumb excuses. My mind clouds my thoughts where I am not making decisions with a level head. AKA my social anxiety takes over and f***’s stuff up.

It’s okay if you feel this or find yourself doing these types of things. Anxiety is not a bad thing, but it can be challenging and cause interference with your overall well-being and happiness. It’s important to recognize it and be aware of the thoughts you may be struggling with. It doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t make you weird. It doesn’t define you. It’s an obstacle. It’s something you have to challenge and face head on. It does not have to control you as much as it may feel that way sometimes.

Let’s Talk Coping & Problem Solving!! I’m not going to lie or give you cookie cutter BS answers. I want to put some things into perspective and share things that have helped me push myself and/or let my high guard down in social situations. Sometimes it can be extremely tough to put yourself out there, to follow through with plans, or to say yes to something when your mind is telling you otherwise. I get it. I’ve been there. I still fight those thoughts or mental barriers at times.

First things first, you have to realize that a lot of the time those thoughts are irrational. They're you brewing up possible outcomes, thinking the worst of the worst, and overall playing out a situation that hasn’t even taken place yet. You worry about the sense of unfamiliarity. You worry about straying from the routine of “what’s supposed to happen.” For me personally, it’s important to take a step back in order to allow myself the chance to take a deep breath. Sometimes we become clouded by our anxious thoughts and are unable to pinpoint why we feel the way we do. Taking this step back allows me to collect myself and think more rationally. It allows me to sort things out with a clear headspace and a more open mind.

Secondly, I think that it’s important to challenge your anxiety. I think that it’s important to know when you are thinking irrationally and to recognize when you are missing out on things because of your anxiety. I think that we must face those fears because if we don’t than we are allowing them to control us. We accept defeat before we even gave it a good fight. I refuse to do that and you should too. You can do anything you set your mind to. You have to trust that it will be alright. You have to believe that it will be okay. It may seem hard AF and it may take a lot out of you to initially challenge that fear, but you can't just give up. I mean you could, but you and I both know that isn't going to lead you in a positive direction, it isn't going to make you stronger, and it isn't going to leave you happy in the long term. You always have control over the decision you make. So yes, temporarily it may seem tough to muster up the strength in order to challenge it, but down the road it's bringing you one step closer to conquering your social fears and living a happy and healthy life.

Building off of my previous point which discussed challenging your social fears - I think it's important to say YES. You may be thinking that challenging your fears means saying yes, but not necessarily. Challenging your social fears doesn't mean you actually follow through with your plans or decision. It means you did your best to fight through those fears, but sometimes we let our fears win and give in because it feels easier at the time. The term "yes" means we followed through. Saying yes means that we let ourselves live and not become consumed by some of those irrational fears no matter how hard they tried to convince us otherwise. When we allow ourselves to say yes and live through those experiences that we initially feared, we learn that there was nothing to fear in the first place. In fact, most often we end up having an amazing time, we actually have fun, we make new friends, we gain opportunity, etc. Our anxiety tried to convince us otherwise, but we won the fight because we said yes!! The more we allow ourselves to say yes, the easier it becomes to say yes in the first place. Make sense? We learn to combat our anxious thoughts and fears because through experience we have come to understand the anxiety overcomplicates those situations and makes them seem scary, but in reality those situations aren't scary at all.

Anxiety is one those uncontrollable things that comes in waves. You don't always know when to expect it. It can make you feel like you are carrying a bag of bricks if I am being honest. I've learned that sometimes my social anxiety can arise from being too routine. What does that mean Mik?? You might be thinking, I thought establishing a routine was good. It is... to an extent. However, we often become so acclimated to our routine that it can be very hard to break. What're you getting at Mik? I think that routine is important and allows structure, but I also think that it's important to switch up that routine every once in a while before we get too comfy. Once we get comfortable with something it can be very hard to do something else, to try something new, or to leave that comfort zone in general. If we have a very strict routine, it can be very tough to allow ourselves time to be social or to do things out of that set schedule. Make sense? I hope so! Basically what I am getting at - it is important to allow yourself leniency and flexibility in anything you do. It is 100% possible to be productive and use your time effectively whilst socializing and enjoying your life. If you allow yourself to do that more often and almost "schedule" it into your routine, it may not feel so hard when the time rolls around or opportunities arise. Your anxiety will have a harder time messing with you if it feels "normal" and you will have an easier time saying yes!

All in all, you have to give yourself grace. You have to be patient with yourself. You're going to have to push yourself and get a little un-comfy. One day at a time. One situation at a time. Try your best not to overanalyze something that hasn't even happened yet. Learn what triggers your anxiety. Become in tune with your emotions and feelings. Take a deep breath and remember that you are always in control. Don't give up.

My DM's & email are always open. You can also click the "Ask Me Anything" tab to ask your questions anonymously. Don't be shy my sweet friend!! I am here for whatever, whenever yah need me.

-Mik <3