Did I Suffer from an ED? - Choose Your Words Carefully & Think Before You Speak!!

Welcome back sweet friends, happy to have yah here!!

Somethings been on my mind for a little while now. I seriously gotta get it off my chest. I keep finding myself frustrated over this particular issue, but I’ve also never took the time to “clear things” up or help make sense of it for those who don’t fully understand. Hence why I’m writing this blog post. This is not only to clear the air about my individual situation, but to shed light on an even bigger issue.

Those of you that have been following me for quite some time now know I lost a lot of weight and then actively tried to put that weight back on for close to a year and a half. I took a very strict lean bulk approach with the help of a coach after trying (but not really succeeding) on my own. It was absolutely hard to intentionally gain weight, to eat in a caloric plus everyday (especially on days where I wasn't overly hungry), and to stay consistent with this. It got uncomfortable, but I never wanted to give up or quit. I honestly loved it. Strength gains, mental gains, a whole new perspective of things, flexibility, new knowledge, etc. I loved watching my body/physique change after struggling to do it on my own (successfully) for so long. New people that come across my Instagram (and even some people that have followed me forever) see comparison photos from when I was very underweight to when I regained a healthy and maintainable weight. They see a tiny, weak, and scared girl in the before photos to a girl who worked extremely hard to transform herself into the strong, confident, and happy person she now is. It has recently come to my attention and realization through various messages, comments, and interactions that people often assume I had an ED (eating disorder) because of the weight I lost. They see this crazy transformation and often assume that's where my journey started or began. I want to let you all know first-hand that is not the case at all.

My weight loss was caused by a few factors. One of those being restriction. This restriction was not because I wanted to make myself smaller, because I hated my body, or because I wanted to lose weight. The restriction came from a fear that was initially caused from my stomach and gut issues at the time. Digestive problems, gut issues, food intolerances, food sensitivities, food allergies, etc. are no joke. They are honestly a nightmare. They are painful. They are often uncontrollable. They make you feel hopeless. My restriction came from not knowing what types of foods would leave my stomach in pain so I started avoiding many foods all together. Once again, not because I wanted to make myself smaller or because I hated the body I had, but because it seriously scared me to not know how my stomach may be affected by something. At the time, almost anything I ate left me in excruciating pain, curled up in a ball, often in tears, and seriously put me out for days at a time to the point where I couldn’t do anything and would isolate myself. Food left me feeling and looking sixth months pregnant. My stomach was often distended for prolonged periods of time. It was honestly embarrassing and restricting felt like the only option. I still ate, but obviously not enough, and not purposely. I stuck to my “safe foods,” essentially the ones I felt my stomach tolerated best. These thoughts are disordered in a sense, yes, but they were completely unintentional and the harm I was doing was completely unconscious to me at the time. Let’s also keep the fact that I have an extremely fast metabolism in mind. I have to eat a lot to maintain my weight. I have to eat a lot to grow. I am naturally tall and lanky. My entire family is. My dad, my brother, my grandparents have the exact same build/metabolism. It just runs in my family. It’s basic genetics. I am grateful as heck for my fast acting metabolism, don’t get me wrong, but during this time period it did not pair well with my inability to fuel my body properly. Yah girl is 5’8” and all legs, losing a little weight goes a long way (aka very noticeable) when you are basically a giraffe.

Okay now that we’ve cleared that up, let’s discuss a few other factors. My weight loss also stemmed from an extreme amount of stress, depressiveness, and anxiety. I was going through some very big life changes at the time. I was moving over two-thousand miles away from a place I grew up my entire life. I was no longer surrounded by the family and friends I had known forever. I was moving into a solo apartment all on my own. I was trying to do everything on my own. I was lonely, confused, and feared having so much on my plate. I was alone constantly which left me drowning in my own thoughts, trying to deal with all of my stomach issues by myself, and failing to reach out because I didn’t want to worry or burden anyone (PLEASE DON’T DO THIS – don’t be stubborn like I was, ask for help, PLEASE). I wasn’t sleeping at night because I just couldn’t shut my thoughts off. I became depressed trying to do it all on my own. I was anxious and on edge all the time. When you have anxiety, or feel depressed you don’t always have the urge to eat (at least in my personal experience). Doing simple tasks like washing your face, taking a shower, getting out of bed, making food, etc., feels so hard and takes so much out of you. All of those factors contributed to my weight loss.

I have never ever hated my body. I have always been proud of how strong I am, how much my body can do, and never failed to fuel it a day in my life (aside from that short period of time). We all have bad body image days where we feel a little rough, sure. I won’t ever act like I don’t experience those because I am pretty sure every single human being has them from time to time. It’s completely normal. It’s a part of being human, whether you are male or female, we all have them.

What are you getting at Mik?? Whether you are a spectator on the outside looking in, a friend, a family member, a stranger, etc., it’s important to choose your words wisely, to not judge someone or something before you have fully taken the time to understand, and to most importantly be kind and respectful. You don’t ever know what someone has been through & even if you think you do, there’s often much more to the story or situation than one has expressed.

Eating Disorders are a serious issue. They are extremely common and so detrimental to not only the individual experiencing it, but to that person’s tribe of people (friends, family, and anyone that encounters them). It’s not something to mistake. It’s not something to joke about. It’s not something to assume about someone. It’s never something that should be taken lightly or a term that should be thrown around. Those who have or are currently experiencing eating disorders have to fight like hell. They are warriors. They have to choose recovery every single day. They have to push irrational thoughts out constantly. They have to work to ignore their “ED’s” terrifying voice. I am extremely close friends with several individuals who have battled an ED. I am also friends with people who are still currently trying to battle an ED. Let me tell you something, they amaze me. They are seriously some of the strongest individuals I know. The fight they put up is incredible and so inspiring.

This brings me back to square one. I wrote this blog post to give you guys a little deeper and more clear understanding of my battles, but also to support and shed light on my friend’s battles. I chose to write this so that you understand the importance and severity of an eating disorder. I don’t want you to fall into the trap of falsely labeling me or anyone for that matter to someone who has had or is still fighting an ED. It takes away from the severity of the issue. It takes away from the severity of mine. It takes away from the fight they have to battle every single day and it takes away from the challenges I myself have encountered and had to overcome. They are two very different things. Completely different actually. It’s so important to understand that each and every person encounters struggles and although they may seem or be similar, they are never going to be the exact same.

This blog post is to raise further awareness about being kind, being gentle with your words, thinking before you speak (or type in today’s society), and being open and welcoming to anyone around you. Every single person is facing something or has faced something that shapes them. We all experience setbacks and challenges at one point or another. You never know what someone may be experiencing, what someone may be feeling, what someone may be thinking, etc. You just NEVER know. Images and appearances can be deceiving. Situations can easily be misinterpreted. Things can be miscommunicated or manipulated. Even if you think you are sure, you might not be. Take everything you see or hear with a grain of salt. Be sympathetic of what someone may be going through. Ask questions in a polite manner if you think something needs to be cleared up. I would much rather be asked a question and have the opportunity to explain than to be categorized or misinterpreted.

Think about a time where you may have been falsely perceived or where you may have accidentally misinterpreted someone/misrepresented something. It’s not a fun feeling. It’s frustrating, right? Word travels very fast. Words cannot be taken back once they are spoken.

Think before you speak. Spread awareness. Don’t be afraid to speak up. Use your voice. Empower those around you. Spread love. Be kind. Create good vibes and positivity wherever you carry yourself. If you see someone struggling, offer a helping hand. Be a good person. Do the right thing. Create someone you are proud of every single day.

One last thing. Always remember your struggles or challenges don’t define you. They are a temporary roadblock. They are a temporary setback. Nothing is ever set in stone. Nothing is ever forever. You can always make change. You are always in control. There will always be brighter days ahead even if it doesn’t seem that way at the time. You are so strong my friend. So much stronger than you think. Never give up. Never stop fighting. You are beautiful, you are worthy, and you will always be okay. One day at a time. One step at a time.

Own you. Love you.

-Mik <3