Stop Saying "I Can't" - YOU CAN! (My Full Story)

It's a long one kiddos. Buckle up and enjoy the ride because I promise this blog post is worth the read. I think it's safe to assume that we've all used the "I can't" statement once or twice in our lifetime. I used to use it a lot. I used to think up a million excuses as to why I couldn't do something to justify why I wasn't doing it. Do you wanna know a little secret? I could've done just about any of those things I said "I can't" to. It wasn't that I couldn't do it. It came down to me being lazy and not wanting to put forth the time and effort to achieve what I wanted. Plain and simple. We can do just about anything. I would actually argue that WE CAN DO ANYTHING we set our minds to. We may not be able to do it right off and it won't always come easy, but with hard work, consistent effort, and a positive mindset, anything is possible.

A lot of people have this misconception that because I am into health and fitness I am motivated 100% of the time. Like what?? Thats a big pile of BS. Come on friends. I am human. I have bad days. I have had to overcome obstacles and setbacks. I get stressed out. I get lazy. I get anxious. Sometimes I feel like I am running on empty. You get the gist. I am not perfect and I experience life's challenges just like anyone else. I won't ever deny that or make my life out to be something that it's not.

We all have busy schedules. Things get hectic. Some days feel like complete and utter chaos. Sometimes it seems as if we are running around with our heads cut off because we can't simply find a way to get everything we need to get done. Some days will feel like that. Once again, thats just how it is. That's life. No one ever said this was going to be easy. Why does everyone have this false perception that everything is going to be provided at our fingertips? Hunny bunny, if life was that easy, everybody would be thriving. Listen up yah silly goose!!! You have to be willing to work for what you want. You have to get a little stressed out to accomplish things sometimes. You have to prioritize. You have to decide what's important. You have to tell yourself you can even when it feels like you can't. You have to be willing to push. You have to be willing to fight. You have to be relentless in your efforts.

Let me tell you a little bit about me & my story. You may not be so quick to assume that everything comes easy for me or that I am motivated all the time. My body doesn't come from good genetics. In fact, my body is rather irrelevant in all of this, well my appearance rather. My body is one tough shit. It has been through SO much these past few years. Lemme give you a brief summary. Shall we?

Childhood ----> High School: I was an athlete growing up. I was involved in just about every sports club you could think off. My main jam was soccer. I played in a competitive soccer league (outside of my hometown) that traveled out of state almost every weekend for tournaments. I was a go, go, go type of person, always have been and always will be. I loved it. I loved how being an athlete made me feel physically, mentally, and emotionally. I ate pretty much whatever I wanted growing up (spaghetti dinner, take out, chips, sugary drinks, mozzarella sticks, ice cream), never cared about what I looked like (major tom-boy), and was overall pretty confident in everything I did.

Freshman Year Of College: Gave up sports to primarily focus on my education. First semester of college was rough. I had a tough time being social, a tough time finding my place/my people, and was overly homesick. It was a huge change. I moved super far from home and had to start completely fresh. Went from small town life to city life. Dining hall food was awful & it was making me feel sick. I went home for Christmas break and explained my stomach problems to my parents. I wanted to move back home ( but didn't). It was definitely tough. My parents conveyed that they thought a lot of my issues were a result of stress and being out of my comfort zone. However, we were able to drop my meal plan second semester. I was able to prep my food using the shared dorm kitchen. I stored all of my food in a mini fridge (with my roommates food as well) and in a bin under my bed (another reason anything is possible & YOU CAN). I worked out here and there, I was walking everywhere on campus, but hadn't really gotten started with weightlifting just yet. Second semester was better, it started to look up. Late into second semester (just before summer) is when my current boyfriend (who was my best-friend prior) and I began to "date," well unofficially lol, but that's a story for another time. Okay, I am getting off topic. Jeez I am annoying.

Post-Freshman Year Summer: The summer after freshman year was when my journey really began. I got home and directly went to the doctors because my stomach was still acting up. My doctor ordered blood work as a safety precaution (I never got it done), and assumed just like my parents most of my issues were stress and anxiety related. Whatevs ( and spoiler alert - they were NOT). I started working out consistently. Consistently as in five-ish days a week. I still didn't really know what I was doing, but I was seeing progress. I was eating pretty clean, but not overly concerned with food, that was never the issue. I was babysitting full time to make money. I was super busy. Headed back to Florida halfway through the summer on my own to settle into my own single bedroom apartment. No one was back in town yet for school. I spent about a month and a half alone. This is about where my health started to plummet. My stress and anxiety was at an all time high. My stomach issues were out of control. I was restricting to an extent because my stomach wasn't tolerating much of anything (which is why I began to lose weight). I was still working out and not eating enough to compensate (unconsciously - not on purpose).

Sophomore Year: This was when I had probably hit my lowest weight. My boyfriend showed up to pick me up on his first day back in town. Still remember the look on his face and the words he spoke to me. He kept saying "Mik you are tiny." "Mik I'm worried about you." Let me tell you something - that boy has been with me since the very start. He has spent his time researching, taking me to appointments, holding me while I was in puddles of tears, he avoided restaurants and outings because he didn't want me to be in pain, etc. He has never given up on me. I spent most of that year going to doctors appointments, getting blood work done, restricting out of fear, and isolating myself from anything/everything. Lowest of lows. I felt hopeless. Lost. Didn't think that things were going to look up, ever. The year is a honestly a big blur.

Post-Sophomore Year Summer: I stopped restricting so heavily and was more focused on figuring out ways to compromise and live freely. Still relatively tiny (still wasn't able to push enough food with my stomach to compensate with my activity levels). Still felt somewhat hopeless. I went back home to work and was away from my boyfriend and pup. It was tough. I was able to push through, spend time with family, was still avoiding eating foods that weren't "safe." My "safe foods" consisted of very few things. They didn't make my stomach hurt for the most part (but at this point in time - my stomach could have hurt from a damn salad). I was still struggling. My family was still worried and doing the best they could to understand.

Junior Year ----> Present: I basically woke up one day and decided I was fed up. I found some answers. I was sick of feeling sorry for myself. Sick of living in what felt like hell. Sick of avoiding food. Sick of avoiding social situations. Sick of feeling isolated. Sick of watching others around me worried. Found my amazing coach Nick. Pushed the food. Pushed myself in the gym. Stopped restricting. Started repairing my stomach and hormones. Started repairing my body and soul. Decreased my stress levels. Started living for me. Started doing what made me happy. Started caring less about what others thought of me. Started becoming more social. Started eating out more (restricting and being scared had become first nature for me which is why I think I lingered in a state of feeling hopeless and restrictive for so long.) I vowed to that I would never give up on myself. This was a game changer. This is why I am where I am now. It was less "I can't" and more "I can's."

Summary: I have a severe soy intolerance, I am dairy free, and I have IBS. I have a long list of trigger foods. I still don't have all the answers. I have to watch what I eat and be careful about what I consume. Heres the deal though. A while back I would have completely restricted and avoided any situation. I would have fixated on these things. I would have let them define me. I would have let all of these things consume my thoughts. The me now - I avoid these things to the best of my ability. I find alternatives when I can. I give myself grace when I experience terrible flare ups. I do not hate myself because I have to deal with these things. If I am eating out or with family, I set these things aside and do the best I can to eat/order something suited for me. If it causes an unwanted flare up or a stomach ache, I accept it and move on. I don't stray away from certain situations because of these "roadblocks" anymore. I now realize that those things don't define me, they don't have to control me, and I have the power to rise above my obstacles and greatest challenges. Fixating on these things is no longer an issue. For those two years I was extremely self conscious about my weight. I was tinier than ever, unhealthy mentally and physically, and didn't think I would ever get back to my "old self." But, I did. I stepped in the gym and lifted heavy shit even when I was tiny. I didn't stop eating even when my stomach hurt. I gained weight. I searched for answers. I surrounded myself with the people that supported me and brought positivity to my life.

This is why YOU CAN. This is why I am where I am now. I didn't give up. I pushed through the hardest of days. I didn't let down even when I wanted to throw in the towel. In the back of my mind I always knew I could. I knew I had the strength and I kept going. I love myself today because of who I was then. I love myself whole-heartedly because of the challenges I've had to face. I have realized that time is precious, life is beautiful, and the things that truly matter are worth fighting for. I am worth fighting for. You are worth fighting for. Living to be present and to be happy is truly the best decision I have ever made. Cutting out every toxic person and obstacle has allowed me to grow and evolve more than ever. Choosing to BE ME, OWN ME, and LOVE ME is the greatest accomplishment to date.

Comeback season baby. Turn your "I cant's" into "I can's." YOU CAN. You control the outcome. You decide how this game plays out. Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

#ownyouloveyou (tag me in your photos and tell me what makes you OWN YOU & LOVE YOU - I wanna know!!!!) You matter. Your story matters.

-Mik <3